if it weren't for the customers i'd have nothing to write about:)

the german lady


so, this lady comes up to me at the desk and practically shouts, "VERE IS DELETE???"

me: ummm, what?

her: VERE IS DELETE?

at this point she begins walking to a computer, so i assume she means that something is wrong with her email. i hate it when people think i invented and run Yahoo/google/msn/myspace/facebook, etc. and have PURPOSELY fucked it up for them. *sigh*

her: *pointing at her screen* VERE IS DELETE?

the screen is displaying improperly and the delete button is missing at the bottom. she clicks boxes on the edge of the page to mass delete and can't. she does it again for effect.  she turns to me and she says it again.

VERE IS DELETE?

me: i have no idea. did you try refreshing the screen?

she does.

her: VERE IS DELETE?

me: i STILL don't know. why don't you try closing the window and logging back in.

she does.

her: VERE IS DELETE?

me: ok, um, still don't know. perhaps it has something to do with you choosing yahoo classic. try signing into the new yahoo.

she does. and it works. delete appears.

i point, THERE! THERE IS DELETE!!!

she gives a loud HUMPH and turns her back on me.

***************

the little boy

a 7 or 8 year old comes rushing up to the desk, not running because that's not allowed but walking as FAST as he possibly can. he jumps up and down when he gets there. his eyes are wide and he has a huge grin on his face. i'm alreay laughing when he shouts:

DRAGON BALL Z THE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!

i'm speechless. i finally sputter out something about looking up the movie for him.

him: NO, IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE!!!

i get it. he put it on hold. so i tell him to come around the desk and ask him his last name. he sees it on the shelf and actually hugs it whilst continuing to jump. in fact, i'm pretty sure he never stopped jumping.

can you remember being that happy about something? it's good to be a kid.

the house on poo corner

they don't tell you a lot of things in liberry skool.


like, they don't tell you that people will cuss at you all the time and that you will have to know EVERYTHING and the computers will always break down and little kids will sneeze on you and smelly homeless people will stand WAY too close to you and LOTS of foreign guys who smell like garlic will try to pick up on you and won't take no for an answer.

and, they don't tell you that one day, you might be liberrien in charge and on that day some sicko might defacate all over the side of the men's room toilet, rip off the toilet seat and scratch grafitti all over it.

they don't tell you that the cleaning lady will have already gone home.

they don't tell you these things in liberry skool. they don't tell you cuz they know you'd prolly quit liberry skool and never ever ever go back and not give them any more of the 17 grand you were going to pay them. and then, there would be no liberriens at all.

things that make your day go bad

getting to work and finding out that the children's librarian is not there (funeral) and no one is scheduled to do baby time.


having to step up to the plate and suck it the fuck up since you just got a new job as a children's librarian and are the natural replacement.

never having seen, heard or read about how to do a baby time and having to do it anyway.

having 26+ people show for said baby time.

having c.w.i.w.t.b.s. hovering around following you, giving you advice when she herself has never ever done a fucking baby time.

having c.w.i.w.t.b.s. there at all.

wanting to crush c.w.i.w.t.b.s. but not being able to for fear of losing above mentioned promotion. also, it would probably be against your principals if you really thought about it. trying to be zen and all.

having baby time be a total fucking disaster.

having baby time parents actually stop and stare at you with a 'what the fuck are you talking about look'.

being surrounded by small squishy headed babies.

having the day end with seriously assholey teen girl customers whose parents should probably use corporal punishment a WHOLE LOT MORE.
i'm going to get a drink.